It's articles like these that make me want to write this blog....
http://shine.yahoo.com/team-mom/5-things-parents-shouldnt-kids-171300904.html
Seriously--- please don't tell me what to say and not say to my children. We say what we do, within reason, because it feels right at the time. And our kids learn. No place for sterile parenting.
Thursday, May 3, 2012
Sunday, April 8, 2012
The Birth Plan
Let's start at the beginning-- with the big "B"-- birth!
Like parenting, there aren't too many rules for pregnancy.
1. Don't smoke
2. Don't drink in the first two trimesters, and don't drink more than one glass of wine per day in the third.
3. Don't eat raw sushi or certain cheeses.
4. Go to your prenatal visits
5. Take care of yourself.
6. Don't exercise like you're training for a marathon, but do some sort of exercise-- walk around the block works.
7. Call your OB if there's something that's "just not right"
8. Take care of yourself.
Now that nine months are up, now what?
I think one of the biggest misconceptions about pregnancy is that you need to have a "birth plan." It's fine if you really want to have the right birthing ball, deliver naturally, in the water, with scented candles surrounding you. The only birth plan that's necessary is one in which you know which hospital you're going to when you're in labor (or if you're doing a home birth, if there's a problem), which doctor you're calling when you have a problem, and whether or not you are vehemently against an epidural.There's so much focus on "enjoying" the birth and making sure it's just right.
I got sucked into that logic.
That's right. With my first child, when I started contracting 4 days after my due date, I didn't think it was real labor. I mean, everything I read and knew was that "real labor" was contractions every three minutes and severe pain. Mine were every six minutes and just moderate pain. So I waited. When it turned into severe pain, I called. They told me to come in. Within three minutes of settling in to the cushy hospital I had chosen to have a baby, DVDs coming out of my bag, I was being whisked to have a csection because my son's heart rate had dropped dangerously low. Turns out I waited around at home too long. I didn't trust my instincts, and they had to get him out...NOW. We were very lucky. They got my epidural in lickety split and he was out within five minutes, with a glorious cry. My birth plan had gone to crap. But I had a healthy little guy.
And that's all that mattered.
Like parenting, there aren't too many rules for pregnancy.
1. Don't smoke
2. Don't drink in the first two trimesters, and don't drink more than one glass of wine per day in the third.
3. Don't eat raw sushi or certain cheeses.
4. Go to your prenatal visits
5. Take care of yourself.
6. Don't exercise like you're training for a marathon, but do some sort of exercise-- walk around the block works.
7. Call your OB if there's something that's "just not right"
8. Take care of yourself.
Now that nine months are up, now what?
I think one of the biggest misconceptions about pregnancy is that you need to have a "birth plan." It's fine if you really want to have the right birthing ball, deliver naturally, in the water, with scented candles surrounding you. The only birth plan that's necessary is one in which you know which hospital you're going to when you're in labor (or if you're doing a home birth, if there's a problem), which doctor you're calling when you have a problem, and whether or not you are vehemently against an epidural.There's so much focus on "enjoying" the birth and making sure it's just right.
I got sucked into that logic.
That's right. With my first child, when I started contracting 4 days after my due date, I didn't think it was real labor. I mean, everything I read and knew was that "real labor" was contractions every three minutes and severe pain. Mine were every six minutes and just moderate pain. So I waited. When it turned into severe pain, I called. They told me to come in. Within three minutes of settling in to the cushy hospital I had chosen to have a baby, DVDs coming out of my bag, I was being whisked to have a csection because my son's heart rate had dropped dangerously low. Turns out I waited around at home too long. I didn't trust my instincts, and they had to get him out...NOW. We were very lucky. They got my epidural in lickety split and he was out within five minutes, with a glorious cry. My birth plan had gone to crap. But I had a healthy little guy.
And that's all that mattered.
Saturday, March 3, 2012
The RULES of this blog
The focus of this blog is that there are very few things written in stone about parenting. But needless to say, there are certain things that are non-negotiable. If you disagree vehemently with any of the below, then you probably won't enjoy my blog-- but if you're undecided or have questions about any of the following, continue to check back!
I will expound upon all of these in future posts-- but just to give you a little flavor...
1. Vaccinations are a MUST. No ifs ands or buts. I don't feel this needs much explanation. There's a reason we don't have smallpox anymore. Healthy kids die of flu pneumonia every day each winter. The risk-benefit ratio goes astronomically disproportionately toward benefit. So please don't agonize over it. Just do it. There are very few things we have control over in our lives. But making sure your child doesn't die from a preventable and easily transmissible disease is one of them.
2. Discipline within reason. This means different things to different people. There is never an excuse for strong physical discipline when a non-physical approach is an option.
3. Call your pediatrician if you think something's not right-- and listen to them.
4. Solid foods shouldn't be introduced before 4 months of age, and preferably not until 6 months. In our age of allergies, kids deserve their best shot at not being that one guy who is allergic to peanuts in class.
The rest of the rules come from my experience working in a pediatric critical care unit. This explanation should paint the picture.
5. Car seats-- 'nuff said.
6. Helmets when kids are riding bikes.
7. No trampolines
8. No ATVs
9. Swimming pools must have fences-- and if your neighbors have pools, they should have fences as well.
10. No reptiles when there is an infant in the house (more to come on this)
11. Keep your kid warm, dry, and fed
11. Show your kid you love them.
I'm sure that I will think of more. But for now, this is all I got. Not bad, huh?
I will expound upon all of these in future posts-- but just to give you a little flavor...
1. Vaccinations are a MUST. No ifs ands or buts. I don't feel this needs much explanation. There's a reason we don't have smallpox anymore. Healthy kids die of flu pneumonia every day each winter. The risk-benefit ratio goes astronomically disproportionately toward benefit. So please don't agonize over it. Just do it. There are very few things we have control over in our lives. But making sure your child doesn't die from a preventable and easily transmissible disease is one of them.
2. Discipline within reason. This means different things to different people. There is never an excuse for strong physical discipline when a non-physical approach is an option.
3. Call your pediatrician if you think something's not right-- and listen to them.
4. Solid foods shouldn't be introduced before 4 months of age, and preferably not until 6 months. In our age of allergies, kids deserve their best shot at not being that one guy who is allergic to peanuts in class.
The rest of the rules come from my experience working in a pediatric critical care unit. This explanation should paint the picture.
5. Car seats-- 'nuff said.
6. Helmets when kids are riding bikes.
7. No trampolines
8. No ATVs
9. Swimming pools must have fences-- and if your neighbors have pools, they should have fences as well.
10. No reptiles when there is an infant in the house (more to come on this)
11. Keep your kid warm, dry, and fed
11. Show your kid you love them.
I'm sure that I will think of more. But for now, this is all I got. Not bad, huh?
Thursday, March 1, 2012
Why do you need to read a random person's blog to know it's ok to parent your way?
Because our society has trained moms and dads everywhere to doubt their instincts. We've been seduced into 'method parenting'- The Ferber method, Attachment Parenting, the list goes on and on. Do a Google search of the words "parenting methods" and you are inundated with the latest and greatest in reasons and research why one parenting "method" works better than another.
It. Drives. Me. Crazy.
I have two kids. I was a newly minted pediatrician when my first was born. No amount of education in pediatrics could have prepared me for the job of parenting. Sure, I knew when I needed to take my baby to see a doctor other than myself-- but that was where the buck stopped. Everything was a guessing game, a battle of judgment and doing what the "perfect" mother would do. But who defined the perfect mother? For me-- the internet. I obsessed over every little ounce of breast milk I couldn't produce, that he was still using a pacifier at two, or that he wasn't potty trained by 3. And then I had my second. And the clarity knocked me in the head. It didn't matter. My kids wouldn't go to kindergarten with a paci. It was ok to put my son to bed at 9:30 because I hadn't seen him in two days. It was ok for them to go to daycare 10 hours out of the day because I could still give of myself completely for the other 14.
Parenting has become commercialized. We have been led to believe that if we don't follow the "rules" of childhood eating, the "rules" of sleeping, the "rules" of pacifiers, the "rules" of toilet training-- that we don't know what we are doing. And it couldn't be farther from the truth.
I'm here to convince you that the right way to parent is the way that works for you and your family. No one family will parent in the exact same way another does. And that's OK. To be clear, there are RULES-- which I will detail in my next post. But the "rules" are just not real. They are ways to make you feel like it's this way or the highway. And it really never is. I know this through experience. Experience of taking care of many many children who have been my patients, and more than anything, taking care of my own two children. I've seen way too many mothers and fathers become disillusioned by the judgment they feel riddled by when they feel like they are parenting "wrong"-- when in fact, they are doing it just right.
It. Drives. Me. Crazy.
I have two kids. I was a newly minted pediatrician when my first was born. No amount of education in pediatrics could have prepared me for the job of parenting. Sure, I knew when I needed to take my baby to see a doctor other than myself-- but that was where the buck stopped. Everything was a guessing game, a battle of judgment and doing what the "perfect" mother would do. But who defined the perfect mother? For me-- the internet. I obsessed over every little ounce of breast milk I couldn't produce, that he was still using a pacifier at two, or that he wasn't potty trained by 3. And then I had my second. And the clarity knocked me in the head. It didn't matter. My kids wouldn't go to kindergarten with a paci. It was ok to put my son to bed at 9:30 because I hadn't seen him in two days. It was ok for them to go to daycare 10 hours out of the day because I could still give of myself completely for the other 14.
Parenting has become commercialized. We have been led to believe that if we don't follow the "rules" of childhood eating, the "rules" of sleeping, the "rules" of pacifiers, the "rules" of toilet training-- that we don't know what we are doing. And it couldn't be farther from the truth.
I'm here to convince you that the right way to parent is the way that works for you and your family. No one family will parent in the exact same way another does. And that's OK. To be clear, there are RULES-- which I will detail in my next post. But the "rules" are just not real. They are ways to make you feel like it's this way or the highway. And it really never is. I know this through experience. Experience of taking care of many many children who have been my patients, and more than anything, taking care of my own two children. I've seen way too many mothers and fathers become disillusioned by the judgment they feel riddled by when they feel like they are parenting "wrong"-- when in fact, they are doing it just right.
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